Harshee's Lit Lounge

Picture this: you walk into a room full of women. Before you’ve even said a word, you notice the glances—one scanning your outfit, another silently sizing up your confidence, and someone else whispering to the woman next to her. Suddenly, you feel like you’re under a microscope, not celebrated but scrutinized. Have you ever been there?

Now flip the scenario. Be honest—have you ever been on the other side? Are you the one silently judging, rolling your eyes, or comparing yourself to another woman before even knowing her story?

Why do we do this to each other? Why, when the world already makes women fight twice as hard to be heard, do we add more battles among ourselves?

Let me ask all of you an absurdly easy question: Why does this happen? Not so easy to answer, is it? How about I share with you my perspective on this matter.

The rivalry isn’t random. It’s been planted. From girlhood, we’re often taught that success, beauty, or love is limited—that there’s only space for one at the top. “She’s prettier than you.” “She’s smarter than you.” “She’ll get the guy, the job, and the spotlight.” That constant measuring creates a culture of scarcity. And scarcity breeds competition, not connection. Add society’s double standards and expectations, and suddenly we’re not teammates but rivals.

So, let us stop and reflect, asking ourselves the important questions.

• When was the last time you felt threatened by another woman’s success?
• Do you find yourself criticizing women more harshly than men for the same mistakes?
• Have you ever downplayed another woman’s achievement just to feel better about your own?

If you said yes, you’re not alone. Most of us have done it—even without realizing. But here’s the good news: just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s right.

Every time we judge instead of support, we lose. We lose opportunities to build stronger friendships, healthier workplaces, and communities where girls grow up knowing they don’t have to compete for worth. Think about it—what if instead of whispering about her, you said, “I love her courage”? What if instead of thinking, “Why her?, you thought, “If she can, so can I”?

You don’t need to overhaul your personality. Change can start small:

• Compliment women for their ideas, achievements, and resilience—not just their looks.
• Share another woman’s work, business, or success story.
• Catch jealousy in the moment, and flip it into inspiration.
• Offer kindness when another woman stumbles.

Now here’s the million-dollar question: how do we face the real enemy?

At the root of this competition is fear—fear of not being enough, of being left out, of failing. But another woman isn’t the enemy. She’s living with those same fears. What if, instead of tearing each other down, we reminded each other that there is enough success, joy, and love to go around?

Therefore, the next time you catch yourself slipping into judgment, pause. Ask: What if I chose support instead?

Because here’s the truth: when women stand against each other, we all shrink. But when we stand with each other, we all rise. As Nancy Badillo once said, “A woman alone has power. But together, we have impact.”